What stops us saying yes…usually it’s us!


What do you dream of? We all have dreams and ambitions inside of us but we don’t all go for it so what stops us?


Sure there may be reasons associated with money or time or work commitments but ultimately we suggest the biggest thing holding you back is permission.


We spend much of our lives seeking approval from others and feeling anxious that we might be rejected if we don’t quite fit the image of what others, be that family, friends or society, carve out for us.  If we fail to live up to this ideal then we somehow fail others and therefore run the risk of losing their approval and making ourselves less worthy.  Our desperate need for approval has the effect of making us go small; our dreams and ambitions are quashed and we find ourselves living a subdued life, one with a little less colour, one with a little less oomph and one where we don’t quite thrive.


This need for approval leaves us feeling the need for permission from others when actually there’s only one person from whom we need to seek permission and that person is US!  In fact, our happiness relies on us being able to give ourselves permission.  Conversely our worth does not depend on approval from others.  However, there’s often a pesky little voice inside our head that is there to remind us that we are not deserving, or that we are selfish if we dare to put our own needs above others and a whole host of other mantras it will gladly pop onto replay for us.  This harsh self-talk can lead to self-imposed restrictions and sadly those dreams and ambitions slip further and further away.


Let’s think for a moment what life would be like if you dared to give up on the need for approval from others.  Let’s also, just for a second, assume that your worth is not dependent on approval from others- let’s just say that you are worthy just because you are you.  And now let’s just imagine that you did give yourself permission to live the life you dream of.


Ask yourself:


Who would I be?

How would I live?

What would be different?

How would I feel?


And because we know that many of us struggle to put ourselves first ask yourself also how would others benefit as a result of your new self-permission approach to life.


Chances are that if you have answered those questions, you may now be feeling a little excited about what permission may hold for you so how to go about it:


First of all, if denying yourself permission has been a long-term activity it stands to reason that it’s not something that will change overnight.  So go easy on yourself, learn to curb that harsh voice inside your head and replace it with one of compassion, patience and self-care.


Recognise that your worth is not related to whether others approve of you or not.


Visualise what life could be like once you start to give yourself permission- perhaps you could create a vision board, placing it somewhere you’ll spot it regularly as a powerful reminder of what life could be like.


Practice giving yourself permission; catch that negative voice that might suggest you’re not worth it and become aware of the automated response to please others.  Learn to say yes to yourself as well as No when it is in your best interests.


Here at Wellbeing4Life we have a number of opportunities for you to practice giving yourself permission.  Perhaps our Women’s Wellbeing Day on Friday 21st September is just the ticket on your journey to wellbeing; it’s amazing what one day can do for you.  Here’s a little more information,


For those looking for a deeper wellbeing experience then our Women’s Wellbeing Retreat taking place in Bergerac, France from 7-10 October promises to be an uplifting and inspiring event.  You’ll find more details here.

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